Sunday, 25 March 2012

5 Movies Where Food Eats You!


Forget zombies eating your flesh or glittery vampires sucking your blood, we should be more concerned about what's in your refrigerator!  I'm not talking about your Uncle Sal's chili, but in a time when our food has more writing on the side of the package than I put in my own reviews; who knows what kind of evil forces or chemical mixtures can be released in some delicious yogurt, tasty lamb or even in the most docile of vegetables, the tomato.

Pay heed and check out these 5 films of food terror,

5. The Stuff (1985) -A delicious white goo is found, marketed and sold to the world as a dessert called  "The Stuff".  The world loves "The Stuff" but it has one glaring side effect, it eats you from the inside! (dun dun dunnnn).  Can former FBI agent David Rutherford, ad specialist Nicole and Jason, orphaned after his family ate the stuff, stop the stuff, save America and maybe the world.  Childhood favorite all the way, who doesn't love a goo that is trying to take over the world.  Not much of a script but a good cast, like Michael Moriarty and Paul Sorvino before they were on Law & Order and this is probably the best work from SNL alumnus Garrett Morris after Car Wash.

4. Black Sheep (2006) - Over his fear of sheep, Harry returns home to sell his half of the farm to his brother, Angus.  Little does he know that Angus, has been working on and is ready to present the genetically engineered version of his sheep, which are are now carnivores.  A pair of environmentalists, Grant and Experience, steal a discarded embryo and Grant is accidentally bitten by it; thus becoming the first to be infected and turned into a crazed half-sheep monster.  Harry and Experience must survive the evil sheep, their creators, escape the farm and find an antidote to stop these were-sheep.  Great film, similar style of early Peter Jackson work.  Lots of gore and killer sheep just make me laugh.
3. Attack of the Killer Tomatoes (1978) - After a number of reports of people being attacked and killed by tomatoes, the government sets up a special task force to stop the evil veggies before their plan comes off the vine.  This film classic hits on all levels of funny.  Spawning 3 sequels, it's just hilarious and you'll have the theme song stuck in your head for days.
2. Gingerdead Man (2005) - Gary Busey plays a killer who comes back to life as a gingerbread man to exact revenge on the girl who sent him to the electric chair.  This is a Full Moon Production with Charles Band taking up the director's chair.  It's great with a lot of blood and some good tongue in cheek jokes.  Also Gary Busey plays a gingerbread man that kills people, he was truly made for this role.
1. Poultrygeist (2006) - Military themed restaurant, American Chicken Bunker opens up on the grounds of an ancient Indian burial ground.  It's opening day, can Arbie and his fellow employees stop the food from rising from the dead and taking over Tromaville!  Lloyd Kaufman and the gang at Troma put together this great horror, comedy, musical extravaganza.  Some of the best gore scenes, I've seen for a while and gross out humour with some real laughs.  Lloyd Kaufman even shows up to put some time in the kitchen with a song and dance number.  If you haven't seen this, run and find it, you won't sorry.
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After watching these films, you may want to go organic but all you have to do is watch what you eat.  If it looks like a possessed duck, walks like a possessed duck and talks like "Kill your fucking family and worship Satan", then it's probably is time to go see a psychiatrist.
P.S - There is also a movie called "The Refrigerator", but I can't find it.  If it falls into your hands let me know, maybe we can swing a deal.

Sunday, 18 March 2012

5 Horror movies more Irish than Leprechaun



Happy belated St. Patricks Day!  Now that you got your Irish on, why not finish the weekend off by watching some scary Irish horror movies.  By blogging mandate 2066.5, I must include the film, Leprechaun in some way when talking about Irish horror movies, so let's begin with that and then move into some films actually made in Ireland.

Leprechaun (1993) - After moving in to their new home, J.D Redding and his daughter Tory (Jennifer Aniston) unknowingly release an evil Leprechaun.  The Leprechaun is hellbent on searching for his gold and will destroy anyone who stands in his way.  This is a fun little film, that spawned 4 sequals with poor Warwick Davis searching for his gold.


Now with that out of the way, here are 5 terrific Irish horror films:

5. Dead Meat (2004) - Helena and Martin, are traveling through Ireland on vacation.  Martin is distracted and accidentally hits a man on the road.  The couple gather the body and put it in the backseat to bring it to a nearby cottage, when it comes back to life and bites Martin.  Martin smashes the zombie and sends Helena for help.  Once, Helena reaches the cottage she discovers more zombies and even her boyfriend Martin has turned into one as well!  She narrowly escapes, runs into a gravedigger named Desmond and the two of them head off to try and find a zombie free village.  Great film, reminds me of early Peter Jackson and Raimi stuff.  Like those films, there is some wonderful humour and a lot of gore.


4. Isolation (2005) - On his remote farm, Dan and his vet ex-girlfriend, Orla, are working on a genetic experiment to increase the fertility of cows with Jon from the Bovine Genetics Technology.  During the evening, the experimental cow starts to give birth and with no way to contact Orla, Dan enlists the help of Jamie and Mary, the couple squatting in trailer outside his property to help him.  Dan and Jamie manage to pull the calf out but it is damaged and bites Dan.  Orla arrives the next morning, puts the calf down and does an autopsy.  During the autopsy, she discovers that the calf was pregnant with a crazy hybrid due to the experiment.  One of the hybrids escapes, starts infecting the other cows and people on the farm.  They need to stop the hybrid before it leaves the farm and infects the world.  The film is a combination of Alien and John Carpenter's The Thing.  You don't know when it's going to strike next and you only see glimpses of the creature until the very end.


3. The Eclipse (2009) -A depressed widower, Michael Farr begins seeing ghosts.  While volunteering at the local literary festival, he falls in love with a female horror author, Lena, and shares his recent supernatural experience with her.  Unfortunately, he starts clashing with her married ex lover, played by Aiden Quinn.  He thinks that Michael is a stalker and is afraid for Lena, all the while Michaels ghostly visions are becoming more vivd and distrubing.  This is a little more low key than my usual fair but Ciaran Hinds does a great job with Iben Hjejle in a classic ghost story. 


2. The Daisy Chain (2008) - After the death of their baby daughter, Tomas and Martha Conroy move out to a remote village in the country.  While there, they take in Daisy, a disturbed and perhaps autistic child, whose parents met a gruesome death. As time goes on, a mysterious string of accidents befall the couple and there friends with Daisy being associated with them all.  Martha and Tomas begin to hear rumours and the gossip of locals, that Daisy may be something more than orphaned little girl, she may be an evil fairy.  This is such a creepy film because it keeps you guessing the whole time.  Is it bad luck or is Daisy an vengeful creature trying to keep the couple's love to herself?


1. Shrooms (2007) - Tara and her friends go out into the woods of Ireland to collect magic mushrooms and trip out on the wonders of nature.  She unknowingly eats a death head mushroom and goes into a seizure and when she is revived she claims to be able to see future events.  They bring her back to camp and let her rest while her boyfriend Jake tells them a horrifying tale of sadistic monk, who murdered children in a nearby orphanage.  They retire to bed, only to hear eerie sounds and see creepy shadows in the night, to wake up to find their friend Bluto has gone missing in the morning.  After taking their mushrooms, they search for Bluto only to find a nightmarish mushroom trip and bloody trail that lays ahead of them.  The paranoia of being on hallucinogens is so prevalent and the director really captures the sense of the drug because like the characters you don't know whats real and what is drugs induced.  


So, today when your nursing your hangover, forget about leprechauns, regrets of the night before and pop in some good horror stories from the Emerald Isle.

Monday, 12 March 2012

5 Twisted Tales of Cat Terror

I was watching Puss n' Boots last week and I started thinking about all the great horror movies that have been associated with cats.  Either as a villain, a hero or something just to tie the story all together the cat is an excellent character to introduce into a tale.

Here are five of my favourite cat horror films:

5. Cat's Eye (1985) -This trilogy of terror is based on a book of short stories by Stephen King and is linked together with a stray cat looking for a troubled little girl.  The first tale is "Quitters", the cat is picked up by a eccentric doctor, who uses unorthodox and terrifying methods to help you quit smoking. In the second story,"The Ledge" the cat is picked up by mob boss and compulsive gambler Cressner.  He finds out the tennis pro (Robert Hays) has been sleeping with his wife and makes a bet with him.  If Hays can walk around the ledge of his high rise apartment, Cressner will divorce his wife and set them both free.  In the third tale, "The General" the cat finally arrives to help the little girl and (Drew Barrymore) battles a malevolent troll, who is drying to steal her breath.  This is one of my favourite childhood movies and is the epitome of 80's horror.  It has James Wood and Drew Barrymore at their acting best, the stories are by Stephen King and it's low budget enough that it had to use a cover version of The Police's "Every Breath You Take".



4. Cat People (1942) - Oliver Reed falls in love with Serbian girl, Irena Dubrovna, one day at the park.  She tells him about the Cat People, a group of heretics that were chased out of her village and killed many years ago by King John of Serbia.  She also tells him that she is cursed and cannot kiss him or she will go in a fury of violence and murder him.  Oliver doesn't seem to mind these obvious red flags and marries Irena.  Their marriage over the next few months is rocky; Irena goes to see a psychiatrist and Oliver seeks refuge with his lady friend Alice.  Irena becomes jealous and starts stalking Alice...like a cat!  This classic horror at its best and producer Val Lewton's first film.  Director Jacques Tourneur uses shadow and lighting in such an effective way to create a sense of danger and violence that cannot be shown on the screen at that time.  It's a great story of madness, leaving the audience wondering is she crazy, really a cat person or both!


3. The Black Cat (1981) - Psychic Robert Miles controls a black cat to destroy his enemies.  A detective is brought in to investigate the murders and is helped out by an american tourist. Like most Fulci movies, the plot is secondary to the gore.  There are some excellent special effects scenes and is worth watching for that.


2. Pet Sematary (1989) - The Louis Creed and his family move into their new home and it's great except for one thing, the big rigs that come racing through on the one lane highway that is sitting in front of their house.  Unfortunately, after moving in the family cat, "Church" is struck by a truck.  However, the old man next door knows a way to bring it back to life... in the Pet Sematary!  The cat comes back but it's not the same cat.  It's a little more evil and when the same thing happens to their toddler, Louis thinks the Pet Sematary is right way to go.  This is another childhood favourite and another Stephen King film.  I still have a hard time with the scene when the child gets hit with the truck, but the story does need that to move forward.  Fred Gwynn is awesome as the old man neighbour and you can see Denise Crosby before she dawns her Star Trek uniform.  Also, the Ramones do the title track, which is probably one of the best track on their Brain Drain album.


1. The Cat (2011) - In this Korean film, a claustrophobic young woman, So-Yeon, works for a pet grooming store.  After, returning her clients cat, she notices a creepy little girl with a bob cut hanging around the client.  Her client dies later that day and she is given the cat to hold on to until the police can sort out the death.  With the cat in her possession, So-Yeon sees the creepy little girl more often and the people around her start dying.  So she sets out to find out the real story of the cat and the creepy girl.  This film is similar to the Grudge and Ju-On without being as graphic.  There are some really creepy points and can be appreciate for the low key horror.  It's also fun to watch a gang of cats attack somebody, if nothing else watch it for that.


So the next time you're cat is meowing at you for no good reason, think of these films because you may a troll stealing your breath.

Sunday, 4 March 2012

5 More Free B-Movies

I Love B-movies!  I Love Free Movies!  Here is a way to put those to things together.

Go to www.youtube.com and look on the top right hand side.  You will see, "Browse", "Movies", "Upload".  Click on "Movies".  Now click on "All Categories" and select Horror.  (this works with any genre) Now this is important, where it says "Filter:", choose Free.  Now, make a selection and enjoy.

Here are a few recommendations:

5. Bride of the Monster (1955) - Bela Lugosi plays Dr. Eric Varnoff, who is hell bent on creating a race of Atomic Superman with the help of his lowly lab assistant Lobo (played by Tor Johnson).  They live in a creepy mansion guarded by a giant octopus(?).  A young reporter Janet Lawton starts snooping around Dr. Varnoff's mansion, she is captured and held prisoner.  Now only Janet's boyfriend, Lieutenant Dick Craig, can save the day and stop Dr. Varnoff!  This was Lugosi's 2nd movie with Ed Wood and contains the famous "Home? I have No Home" speech which is just one of the reasons to see this film.  It's a great B-movie with bad acting, missed cues and a script that will only make sense to Ed Wood fans.


4. The Killer Shrews (1959) - While dropping off supplies to a group on a remote island, Thorne Sherman and his 1st mate Griswald get trapped on the island due to a hurricane.  They stay with the group, which consists of a scientist, Marlowe Cragis, his assistant Radford, his daughter Ann, her fiance Jerry and a servant Mario.  There Dr. Cragis has been working on a way to shrink people to reduce world hunger, however in doing so he has created giant venomous shrews (mice) that are now waiting to devour them.  This is a such a ridiculous movie.  There is one magic room, where walls expand, contract and doors appear and disappear.  Ann instantly falls in love with Thorne and why does Griswald have to stay on the boat?  Nothing makes sense in this Ray Kellogg film, but it sure is fun to watch.



3. Teenage Zombies (aka Teenage Torture) (1959) - While boating, a group of teens discover an uncharted island run by a mad scientist.  Dr. Myra works for "the East" and wants to turn America into a country of zombies using her nerve gas.  This film has everything you want in a 50's B-movie.  It has a mad scientist with "red" leanings, it has a man in a gorilla costume, that goes ape at some point in the film and it has a soda jerk, who knows everybody and everything.



2.Eegah (1962) - After being terrorized in her car, by what seems to be a giant caveman, Roxy Miller, her boyfriend, Tom and her dad go looking for it.  While in the desert, Roxy and her dad are kidnapped by the caveman and after a romantic interest is introduced by the caveman, Roxy's dad suggests she just goes with it.  (thanks dad).  Luckily things don't go to far in the world of the 1962 and she ends up giving the caveman a shave (if you know what I mean).  Finally, Tom rescues them and they head back to town.  The Caveman is now angry that his lady has taken off and goes to destroy the town.  This is the 2nd Arch Hall Sr and Jr. production and I'm surprised they didn't give the caveman a guitar.  They wanted to create an Elvis style image for Arch Hall Jr and launch his music career.  The pair created 7 films together before giving up and going back to being pilots.  That is one supportive dad!


1. The Blob (1958) - Steve McQueen stars in this classic horror about an alien goo that grows by devouring everything in it's path.  The authorities think McQueen and his friends are trying to pull a prank and don't realize the blob is real until it's too late.  It is one of the best B-movie out there with a crazy mambo title song.

 

You may already know about this youtube feature but I've shown a number of people and they've said they have always overlooked that button.  Overlook no more, there are 5 or 6 pages of just horror films on the youtube site, with no commercials from what I remember and they're free!

Have fun and avoid Wrestlemaniac, it's Rey Mysterio Sr. and very little of him.