Sunday, 8 July 2012

5 Films about Inanimate Killing Machines

Huge fan of the weird and bizarre, so when I was scouring the web looking for interesting films, I realized I have missed a whole type of killer, the inanimate object.  I mean, sure there have been tons of films, with dolls, toys or cars killing people but what about ordinary things that you wouldn't expect like, your bed, your fridge or even a tire! These films go way beyond the normal haunting or possession and pushes away the idea that things need a reason to kill. They just do!

Here are 5 Films about Inanimate Killing Machines!

5. Killdozer! (1974) - A meteorite crashes on earth on an island far away, luckily a group of American construction workers are there building something, so we have a story. Kelly, the forman and Mack, the bulldozer operator discover the meteorite and even though it is glowing, try and remove it with... the bulldozer! The bulldozer begins to glow and goes crazy kills Mack, who is standing near it. Kelly cuts the gas line and the stops the killdozer.  The mechanic Chub, looks into the dozer to see if there is a problem and finds no logical explanation. They fix the gas line but Kelly says not to use this dozer for the time being.  Beltran ignores Kelly's request and starts the dozier.  The dozier rampages through their camp and begins killing the men one by one! Who can stop the KILLDOZER!  This is a really fun film and a young Robert Urich (RIP) is in it! Killdozer was a made for TV movie and has some of the most ridiculous kills ever.  The fact that a bulldozer, sorry Killdozer could sneak up on you is awesome.  There are 6 construction guys and one guy, even while the thing is attacking them, wants to go swimming or a least have everyone take there shirts off(?). Anyway, this film is funny and is totally worth checking out!


4. The Mangler (1995) - In what looks like a turn of the century, laundry service, Sherry Gartley cuts her hand on a machine referred to as the Mangler and gets blood in its thread while trying to avoid getting knocked over by some clumsy delivery people.  Only a few hours later, an older laundress gets sucked into the machine and is spit out the other end.  Detective John Hunton arrives, in his 90's looking car, to talk to the owner, Bill Gartley and investigate the accident.  Detective Hunton leaves and hangs out with brother in law.  They discuss the case and determine the Mangler is possessed by a demon.  So now, Hunton, his brother and let's through Sherry in, must stop the Mangler. You would think this movie would be so awesome. Story by Stephen King, directed by Tobe Hooper, starring Robert England as a creepy old Bill Gartley but it's not. The movie is so mixed up and jarring that a lot of the story it doesn't make sense. First, what part of the century are we in? You have machinery and workers who look like they're from the early 1900's but you have computers.  There is a character named J.J.J Pictureman, who takes pictures and says nonsenese. And there are a ton of things that don't make sense, like why is Sherry, who is 16 working at the laundry, instead of going to school? There is some good gruesome scenes but the real reason to watch this is to see a train wreck of a film and have some laughs. There were 2 sequels, which I haven't seen.

3. Rubber (2010) - Basically, A tire comes to life and realizes it has powers to kill.  It uses those powers and kills people through it's telekinetic power.  I love the idea of a tire that kills. Be it from running people over or using telekinetic powers to make their heads explode. That would be awesome. However, the film is broken up with people watching the film within the film and becomes really annoying.  The sub plot ruins the whole idea for me. The head explosions are great and there is a huge body count, unfortunately it's not from the tire but the other nonsense going on in the film. Don't go into this movie as a horror film, look at it as a experimental art house film and you may not be as disappointed as I was.

2. De Lift (1983) - After some guests are trapped and almost killed in elevator, due to heat.  Service tech, Felix Adelaar investigates the lift and finds nothing wrong.  After a couple of days, a security officer is decapitated and when they go to collect the head discover a blind man has fallen down the shaft. Felix is brought back in to investigate the lift and meets up with a sassy reporter, Miki, who believes something evil is going on.  They trace the microprocessing unit for the lift to a company called Sun Rising and get a talking to about microchips by their head engineer.  Felix and Miki know there is more going on and have to stop the evil elevator, but how, really how? It's an interesting film, but it has some serious lulls. There are some secondary stories that don't make sense or are even necessary for the movie.  Director Dick Maas remade the film in the 2001, with Naomi Watts, Ron Pearlman and Michael Ironside. There are some good killing scenes and the idea is neat.  It's tricky to find but may not be worth it.

1. The Refrigerator (1991) - Steve and Eileen Bateman are quitting there suck ass jobs in Idaho or Iowa and moving to New York to live out there dreams on Avenue D.  They move into their shitty little apartment, without knowing that their Fridge ate the last tenant. Somehow, Steve gets a really good job at a company and Eileen has her first Broadway audition after only a couple of days of being in New York, when things start going funny.  First, it's little things like keys going missing then bigger things, like a maintenance person and Eileen's mother! Eileen just doesn't know what it is but she thinks it could be the refrigerator because it moves and is always full even though no one goes shopping.  This is a great silly movie.  The characters are dumb and by the end of the film, still no boxes have been unpacked.  The fridge is best actor out of the bunch and there are some amusing kill scenes.  If you can find it, your laughing! Couldn't find a trailer and this was the only thing on the youtube.

Most of the films here are just fun with thin scripts that allows imagination to run free.  It's nice to push the boundaries of horror, even if it completely misses the target, like Rubber does.  After watching these films, keep an eye on your toaster and worry a little more about your coffee pot because you never know when they'll turn.

P.S. I can't find Death Bed, the Bed that eats People, but I will continue to look. If you find it, grab it!

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